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Facing denial, particularly when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. Someone is declining your work, giving a definite “No.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced pitching manuscripts 50 years back, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. In the last score of years, focusing on commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I get a rejection every few days—amounting to more than 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession exceed a thousand. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a self-pitying outburst? Not at all. Because, now, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Have I Managed This?

For perspective: By this stage, almost every person and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—that would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, an editor rejected 20 submissions one after another before accepting one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 editors declined my memoir proposal before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents rejected a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor suggested that I send articles less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but me as a person.

Right after a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. What went wrong? How could these people be overlook my skill?
• Second, denial. Certainly they rejected the mistake? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably mixed with false hope). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become any good.

This continued over many years.

Great Examples

Certainly, I was in fine company. Stories of authors whose books was originally turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his high school basketball team. The majority of US presidents over the recent history had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and bid to appear were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of rejection. Peace. Now, I better understand the many reasons why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have just published a like work, or have one underway, or be considering a similar topic for a different writer.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the reader thinks I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the market for the content I am offering. Maybe was busy and reviewed my work hastily to appreciate its quality.

Feel free call it an awakening. Any work can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are always out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the point I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Or an aspect about my grammar, especially commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have achieved recognized. I’ve published two books—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a memoir, at 65—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have been published in magazines big and little, in local, national and global sources. An early piece was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to various outlets for five decades.

However, no blockbusters, no signings publicly, no appearances on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, small accomplishments have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I acquired?

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