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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|